My life went off the rails this spring. Just after Imbolc, I decided to leave my partner of several years. This entailed a lot of huge changes - a move, different job requirements, and impact to my coven. This precipitated months of transition in which I found a new home and a new job.
This is why I haven't written anything for The Pagan Experience so far this year, until now. This topic is perfect for a return to the project. I was terrified to leave, but I was more afraid to stay. I knew, within the core of my being, that I wasn't living up to my fullest potential.
One day, I snapped. I began to pack, and when I had a few days of supplies together, I left. I had no plan and nowhere to go. All I knew is that I could not stay in that home for a single moment more.
This is how transformation occurs - when our dissatisfaction with the known becomes stronger than our fear of the unknown...in that moment, change is possible.
For me, this journey has been very rich. I reached out to friends and family, who kindly assisted me. People opened their homes and their hearts to support me during this difficult time, which I deeply appreciate. People lent shoulders to cry on and listening ears. Learning to ask for and accept help with grace is a big lesson for me.
In these three months, my life has utterly transformed. I have reclaimed myself, my body, my daily routine, my friends, and my interests. I am rebuilding my world, and it is a beautiful one.
But essentially, connecting with the power of Air, the ability to dare to create change, is what has made this journey possible. I had to look within and remember my own power. I am a witch. I am a shaman. My job is to bend and shape reality to my will, in service to All That Is. How then, could I justify languishing in an abusive relationship? I could not.
I had to dare to leave. I had to dare to leap into the unknown. I had to dare to take the first step, and to continue putting one foot in front of the other, even though I didn't know what was coming next, or even where I was going. I had to dare to call upon my community for help. I had to dare to sit with my emotions as they went through the whole gamut of trauma, shock, loss, anger, frustration, rage, sadness, melancholy, and acceptance. I had to dare to reclaim my dreams. I had to dare to work magic to bring those dreams into being.
Daring is a multi-layered endeavor. In order to dare, we have to believe that change is possible. We have to realize that we have the power to create change. We have to know that we deserve something different, something better. We have to give ourselves permission to wield that power. We have to be willing to risk failure, to risk defeat, to risk uncertainty, to risk vulnerability. We must dare to trust our own power, and the support of our communities, our families, the Divine, and the forces of Nature herself.
Daring is, in short, the essence of being a magical practitioner. It is the beginning of our journey through the elements to work magic. In my view, the winds blow over us and fill us with inspiration. We are then inspired to dare to use our power in our highest good, and the highest good of all beings.
All hail Air, sacred breath of the Gods, inspirer! All hail the winds of change that fill us with daring!