I spent yesterday evening on the water, with the animals. I spotted a muskrat licking itself under the roots of a holly tree at the water's edge. It swam off and we trailed behind in the boat, following it all the way to its den under the roots of yet another holly tree.
An eagle flew past and disappeared into a cove. Later, we drifted down to that cove. By and by, I saw movement, but couldn't identify it. A few minutes later, I was blessed to see the eagle take off and fly past us, so close that I could see its individual feathers. I watched it fly all the way across the lake and land in a tree.
Later, we followed an osprey as it flew along the bank. It circled its mate, who took off and followed us as we continued on. All along the lake's edge, we saw Great Blue Herons stalking their prey.
This is my life. Everywhere I go, the animals say hello and I silently return the greeting. Sometimes we meet eyes. Sometimes they get right in my face; at other times they move away, slowly or quickly. Occasionally I surprise them, and often they surprise me.
I have always had an affinity for animals. When small, I was that child rescuing the baby birds and endlessly playing with the kittens. Nearly always, pets love me, even when they are normally shy or distrustful.
Before I knew what sort of pagan I was, I knew that animals were on my side. I don't know when I figured out that crows were my main totem. It was early on, perhaps even before I knew that I was a pagan at all. Without any particular spiritual tutoring, I listened for their messages. Much later, I learned from Native Americans, but truly, what they said echoed what I already knew in my heart. Perhaps it was my dad's influence - he was a consummate hunter, and taught me to see everything. He too had a way with creatures.
Cernunnos, then, is a natural fit for me. Lord of Beasts, God of the Wood, ruler of nature, protector of wild things. He is not, perhaps, a deity one would think of first when discussing solar deities. He is more associated with the moon, with the dark of night, with the dark of the deep woods. But then, I'm not primarily a solar person.
There are times when I love to soak up the sun. After a cold winter. Lying on the deck of a sailboat. Meditating on river rocks. I love the feeling of melting warmth at those times, but I can only tolerate it in small doses. To do that, I have had to learn to surrender to it. Surrender is not my natural inclination; I value my ability to create change in the world. Passivity is difficult for me. But when the sun is near its zenith, I am not capable of much more than soaking it up passively. Friends have described me like a lily - over about 80 degrees Fahrenheit, I tend to wilt.
So then, Cernunnos. Like many contemporary pagans, I associate the male aspect of deity with the sun. It seems to me that I have read at least one source that associates the horned lord with the sun. I faintly recall some reference to Cernunnos specifically, but most do not. Honestly, I'm not a big fan of the traditional solar deities.
One might think I would follow Apollo, given my devotion to Artemis. One would be wrong. Apollo strikes me as a douchebag (sorry, dude). If Apollo was a human, he'd be that blonde captain of the football team full of himself and his beauty, and I'd snub him at a party to go hang out with Pan, who'd be a scruffy alternative kid. Helios? I don't know him well, and I feel no affinity. I do like Lugh, but we are still getting to know each other.
I suppose the most I can do at this point is to say that I value balance. I honor the Moon and the Sun, the Goddess and the God. I am looking forward to Litha, at which ritual I will honor the Sun without choosing a specific deity to focus upon.
