Wild Woman Rising

Wk 3- August 17: Deity and the Divine – This will be the third week’s topic every month and an opportunity for you to share with everyone those who guide, inspire and inform you. Tell us about your favorite Deity of Learning or Harvest this week!

I spent last week with a tribe of wild women at Women's Wilderness Workshop 2015. This event is a four day gathering of women, a transformative and joyous adventure in learning, and a deep retreat in nature. Our teachings focus on skills to bring one closer to the Earth, skills to both survive and thrive on your earthwalk, including things like hide tanning, fire making, basketry, harvesting animals, herbal medicine, Yoga, belly dance, and spiritual tools.

Each day, I rose at dawn to teach a Yoga class, then taught my Meditative Archery in the afternoon. In the evenings, I helped to lead our ceremonies in the moon lodge and around the fire. In my (*cough cough*) spare time, I revelled in our beautiful community and learned new things for myself. It was a busy, full week that I am still unpacking mentally and emotionally.

Together, we built a sacred wild woman sculpture, a kudzu goddess. She was a bit taller than a person, with a wood and kudzu frame, a head covered with burlap, flowers for eyes, and ah, what was the word...she was anatomically vivacious. She was complete, I hear, with aureoli, a yoni and luscious buttocks. I didn't check underneath her sarong, but I trust in the sisters who constructed her. We all contributed something to her being, whether it was a borrowed piece of finery, a birch branch, a trailing garland of kudzu, or a clothespin infused with our essence.

Our Sacred Wild Woman presided over our ceremony by the fire on our closing night, the New Moon in August, the Healing Moon, the Harvest Moon. We called out to the five sacred things - air, fire, water, earth and spirit. We drummed, danced and sang. We did many a thing not to be spoken of outside the circle. It was a beautiful and sacred occasion, to me made all the sweeter by the collaboration of the musicians, facilitators and our lovely celebrants.

Several people said afterwards that the Wild Woman loomed over us during the ritual, seemingly ten feet
tall. Dear friends, you and I know that Goddess entered our sculpture. We chose to call her "wild woman" because the gathering included women of many faiths. That doesn't matter; it is true that she personified the archetype of wild woman. Regardless, She is what She is, no matter what name by which She is known. Whether Goddess enters a living priestess or a sculpture like this one, She stands tall, filled with power that crackles like summer lightning, lifting the hair on the back of our necks. And so it was.

There is so much more to say about this gathering, of tremendous vulnerability and strength, power and curiosity, creativity and healing, community and compassion...so many beautiful things, moments, people. But I find it hard to write about; perhaps it is just something that must be experienced.

One more thing I will discuss: this event and others like it are important. It is valuable for those who are just beginning to see another way of living. It is valuable for Pagans who struggle with their connection to the natural world - of these, I have met so many; but that is a story for another day. It is valuable for women who struggle with their identity as women. It is valuable for women who struggle with their relationship to other women. It is valuable for those who have knowledge to share. It is valuable for those who are searching. It is valuable for us all in some way.

One of our sisters, a woman of color who lives in an urban area, spoke of her struggle to find her place in this community. She is not particularly outdoorsy, does not teach survival skills...she wondered if she belongs with us, why she is drawn to this community. She asked us to share why this event is important to each of us, so that she could better understand her own place within it.

My answer is this: our world is at a crisis point. We are on the brink of ecological disaster and possibly a financial collapse of unprecedented scale. Maybe. Or perhaps we are not, but it is certainly true that things are dire in many respects. People speak of political change, of laws and regulations. It is true that governments need to take action.

But I am starting to see another truth. We need cultural regeneration, especially in my home country, the USA, but in many, many parts of the world as well. Without a change in our collective consciousness, a shift in the zeitgeist of our age, mere regulations will not fix the problems that we face today. We must realize our place as citizens of the global ecosystem, and as stewards tasked with its preservation. We must rise above the use of force to settle our disagreements. We must heal ourselves of our greed and selfishness. We must work together to create global change.

With all love and respect for men, I believe that this cultural healing may need to come from women. Are we not the keepers of life? Are we not the preservers of beauty and culture in times of natural disaster and war? How else can we heal from the wounds of patriarchy? Who better to bring forth something new?

So we begin with healing the relationships between women. We continue the work of our mothers and grandmothers. They stand behind us as we reclaim our connection with Mother Earth, with Gaia, with Pachamama, with Goddess, and by doing so, we reclaim our power. We heal ourselves, and by doing so, we heal womankind as a whole.

Each woman that is healed becomes whole, and she can birth a new life who will stand on her shoulders to take the work further. As creators of life, women must lead the way as we heal our families, our communities, our tribes, our nations...our world.

What do you think? Have I flown off into flights of feminist fancy? It seems strange to me that I would now be writing such a post. For most of my adult life, I have not identified with the feminist movement.

Instead, I have called myself a humanist. I have thought that our task is to stop focusing on gender and start focusing on becoming the best human beings that we can be. Age and experience have taught me that this is naive. We are not past feminism yet. Not while human trafficking still exists. Not while women are treated as chattel by religious extremists. Not while men are oppressed by their gender roles. Not while animals are treated as objects. Not while we exploit our natural resources, our sacred home, the Earth. No, patriarchy is still in place, and it harms all of us - all genders, all sexual orientations.

Here in the US, the foundations of patriarchy are wobbling. We have a black president who, while a product of our flawed political system, is making historic changes. A man who fights for the equality of all. A president who, in this twilight of his final term, seems to give no fucks at all about his many naysayers. A man who is charging ahead, making every effort he can with the power that remains to him.

The cultural backlash is severe at this time. I have said many times that the cultural war has been won, and this agitation we now see is the result of the old guard making a last ditch effort to turn the tide. Let it be so. Let their hysterical cries of fear and hatred die with them. Let the oligarchy die with them as well. Now more than ever, we need democracy. We need change, and we need something new.

At the end of our magical conference, our convocation of wild women, we did not burn our kudzu queen, our Sacred Wild Woman, our vegetative Goddess. No, some said that our ancestresses who died by fire precluded this idea. Instead, we reverently removed her finery. We dismantled her body, and we returned her to Mother Earth. We put her to rest in the bed of kudzu from which she came...until next year.

One thing is certain. It is time for all wild women to rise. Cast off your fetters and rise, women of Earth! Come back to the Goddess, if only by reclaiming your own sacred power. Heal your relationships with your sisters. Rise and spread the teachings to others. Rise and pay honor to wild men in partnership and mutual respect. Rise and heal the Earth.

RISE, WILD WOMEN!

This week, Wild Woman is my favorite deity of learning, of harvest. So much of the spiritual work that I have done in the last five years has led up to the beautiful harvest brought in at this gathering. It was transformative for me on a personal and professional level. I am happy to call myself a wild woman and a priestess, in the old sense of the word. I hope to help many other women find their own wild woman within in the years to come. I have found my tribe. My Clan grows stronger with each passing Moon. I will howl at the moon, sing to the stars and always, always listen to the wisdom of the Earth. I am rising. Join me, sisters!

So mote it be. 

And so it is!

Charge of the Horned God

With thanks to Susan Seddon Boulet

The Pagan Experience - Wk 3- May 18 – Deity and the Divine – This will be the third week’s topic every month and an opportunity for you to share with everyone those who guide, inspire and inform you. Share your favorite invocation or devotional to the Deity of your choice. 

This week, I choose the Charge of the Horned God. There are many invocational and devotional pieces that I love. I've written a few, as well. Today, though, I feel moved to share this particular piece for a good reason. This is how I came up with the name of my coven, Clan of the Wildlings. This explains what a wildling is, and who protects us.

These are the words of the Horned One, whose names are un-numbered:

I am the wild hunter of the forest deep.

I am the fire upon the hill.

I am the sower of the seed

And the tiller of the soil of the earth.

I am the golden warrior

Whose arrows are the shafts from the sun.

The thunder is my hoof fall;

The wilderness my shrine.

I wield the oaken staff,

The elements at my call.

By day I am the sun;

By night I ride upon the wild winds.

I am a stag, a tree and the mountain.

My seed works within the earth's dark womb

For I am the Horned One, Sire of the Universe,

Love and Consort of the Goddess am I.

In the wilderness doth my spirit dwell

And all wildlings and fugitives of oppression

are cherished within my heart.

To these, my hidden children,

I am provider and protector

For all things wild and free

are in my keeping

And all things of beauty and freedom

and love delight me.

Swiftly I come to merriment and laughter, my invocations,

For I am the Lord of all life.

Yet also I have a dark face

For I am Death. The Reaper of Souls.

And terrible is this my dark face

to those who know not the mystery.

Yet to my hidden children,

Who know and love my spirit,

My dark face is also sweet,

For tis the face of deep and hidden wisdom.

I am the giver of knowledge

Life and death are mine to give

From death thou shalt be reborn

unto new life and love.

Therefore seek my spirit and know me

Bright and dark;

Then shalt thou know my mystery.

For I am the Ancient One,

Gentle and fierce:

My faces outnumber the stars:

I am Cernunnos, Herne, Pan, Lugh, the Ancient One

Lord and Sire of the Universe All.

Blessed be!

Paddling in the Sea of Consciousness

The Pagan Experience - Wk 3- Apr. 20 – Deity and the Divine - When we speak of Deity and the Divine there are many ways to perceive their energy. Do you identify Deity as archetypal energy, part of a larger Limitless Source, purely anthropomorphic or a synthesis of much more?

In the slap of waves rocking the hull of my boat, I feel it.

In the swirl of water curling around my paddle blade, I see it.

In the soughing of the tall pines, I hear it.

In the fecund pungency of the swamp, I smell it.

In the soaking spring rain that trickles into my mouth, I taste it.

In the muscular flight of a bald eagle and the vigilant watch of its mate perched in a tall pine, it flashes.

Consciousness. Divinity. The life force shining from a million million eyes, beating in every infinite heart, its flowing breath filling a million million lungs, on and on, endlessly, cycling through uncounted lives and incarnations. This is the energy of creation, of life forever striving to survive and thrive, to express itself in innumerable bodies, forces, elements, continents, planets, star systems, galaxies.

Ancient turtles abide, sunning themselves on a fallen tree in the lake

While the camouflaged heron hunts, patiently awaiting a meal

I float closer and closer in stillness and silence, excitement barely contained

Watching in awe this scene that could have taken place in any century, in any epoch or age

This dance of life and death and rebirth, this symphony of Divine expression playing itself out on Earth

This intricately interwoven, jewel studded web of energy, of life

This biotic community to which I belong, my thread too in the web, woven true by the Fates, and by my own hand, by my own mind, by my own consciousness.

But all of us on the waters feel the energies shift

Ozone fills the air, and the clouds build, their ominous gray wall crowding out the sun, covering the immaculate blue sky, twilight come early by the gathering storm

In unspoken agreement, we paddle faster, blades flashing in the gray green waters

A breeze blows the lake waters into riffles that vibrate our hulls, rising and falling on swelling waves

We fly past the fallen tree, animals nowhere to be seen, hearts squeezed by wary tension

This is the energy of destruction, the storm that cleanses the waters and the lands, the flood that fertilizes the fields, the fire that rejuvenates the forest, the ending that is a beginning, the merciful death that ends suffering, the willing death that feeds new life, its terrible beauty too a part of the dance, a vital part of the balance, the shadow that defines the light.

This is the Divine - its endless and limitless consciousness in every face, its energy shaping every landscape, directing every flowing river, every blowing breeze, its timeless force that goes on and on, all things manifesting in its limitless stream of possibility. It is the love that binds us, it is the strength that carries us, it is life, it is us. 

Aho! Blessed be!

Copyright April 19, 2015 Tanaria Lightbearer. All rights reserved. Do not copy, excerpt or print. Re-posting with attribution and link to original post welcome.

Divine Relationship

The Pagan Experience - Wk 3 – Mar. 16 – Deity and the Divine - What is your relationship with the Divine? Is it devotional? Collaborative? An agreement of reciprocity? How does this engagement flow into your mundane relationships? Or does it?

The last five years, I have immersed myself deeply in spiritual community. As a result, I have learned the most interesting and unexpected things. More and more, I am forming a picture of my life that is utterly foreign to my experience of it.

From the inside, my life has felt rocky. I am a survivor of many traumatic experiences. So many things were taken from me, things that are impossible to get back or to forget. Through it all, I have been driven to heal, learn and achieve.

I have felt intensely alone for most of my life. From my strange biological family to my rollercoaster of a love life, my many acquaintances to my intellectual isolation…I have felt alone. For all my spiritual yearning, seeking and practice, I have still felt alone. 

During these five years, especially in preparation for my formal vows of priestesshood, I have looked back at all of the insane risks that I have taken…and I can’t help but see a pattern. I have been forced to admit that I have a strong protector or two looking out for me. 

How else could I have survived years of reckless partying? Yes, I was a wild child. Many are the sunrises I saw because I had yet to go to sleep. I’ve experimented with many dangerous substances and have come out unscathed. I have a sparkling clean record, good health and all of my mental faculties. Few could say the same.

How else could I have survived my many outdoor adventures? I have deliberately put myself in harm’s way countless times. I’ve never had a death wish, but I have experienced years of numbness and isolation. Pushing myself to the limit (and occasionally beyond) has been very therapeutic. Yet I’ve never sustained a serious injury or experienced any serious consequences for all my hijinks.

How else could I have made it in general? How did I survive years of emotional abuse, rape, molestation, genteel poverty, family tragedy and general chaos…if not for the Gods? To have come through so many challenges as a whole, self-aware, educated and positive human being…viewed in this light, it seems impossible, miraculous.

As a scientific mystic, a dreamer with a pragmatic mind…I am reminded of Occam’s Razor: when one eliminates the impossible, what remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth. For me, I can only conclude that my life has been a series of miracles arranged by some type of intelligence for the purpose of forming me into a major force for good in this world.

Yet it hasn’t seemed that way on the inside. No, on the inside, I wasn’t really and truly aware of how different my life has been. I was simply living it. Most of the time, I have been in survival mode – not looking too far ahead, just treading water. Tap dancing from one crisis to another.

Every month, I talk about my path with others and I see new ways in which my life has been different. With every blog post I write, I am forced to confront more of the truth. I’m not a normal person.

I have written this post three times. Each time, I get to the critical point and freeze. Each time, I delete the hard parts, the scary parts, the bits of my path that make me worry about how others will view them.

The real truth is this: I’m a Guru in training, in the Yogic sense of the term. I’m a High Priestess, in all senses of the word. I don’t have a relationship with the Gods so much as I have a life they have been kind enough to allow me to think is mine.

Even writing this here on my laptop, disconnected from the Internet…this is a hard thing for me. The experiences that have made me who I am today were tragic, heartbreaking, soul-shattering and ego deflating. I didn’t suffer from low self-esteem. No, I had to learn what self-esteem was and then painstakingly cultivate it.

Other survivors of abuse will know what I mean when I say that even today, I overthink 99% of my actions. I consider the rightness of a given action through the lens of personal ideals and what is acceptable in society. But then I take that extra step – is the person in front of me right? Am I wrong? Am I crazy? Is this person crazy?

Coming from that background, no wonder it is hard to write about myself and my relationship with the Divine. But here we are. I have lived an intensely magical and spiritual life. I have been guided and protected at every turn. I am a channel of the Divine, especially in the practice of healing. I have made love with more than one Deity, and in fact, good sex for me…the best sex, is when the Goddess takes over. The Goddess has worked through me in ritual. Others have even described me as an avatar. I wouldn't presume to describe myself this way, especially not when I still have a mundane life. I'm not immersed in Divine bliss 24/7/365! 

So when you ask me what my relationship with Deity is…I must honestly say that it's a close one. Perhaps even a lack of boundaries type of closeness…it's like looking at your own nose. It's too close to see. 

Sometimes I think I went about this business of spiritual enlightenment backwards. Students of Yoga know that the first step to enlightenment, which is just a fancy way of saying "union with the Divine", is breaking down the ego. I have spent my life not in loosening the moorings of the ego, but in finding my individuality. Finding my separate-ness. Finding who *I* am outside of what has happened to me.

Certainly this relationship with the Divine flows into my mundane relationships. I try to support and help those around me. I love everybody, sometimes embarrassingly so. Friends, lovers, family and clients are no doubt annoyed at times when I can't refrain from giving advice or helpful tips, when I wander off into the woods, when I've been meditating FOREVER or when I just can't resist adding kale to every dish. Go easy on me, gang. Sometimes I need those around me to bring me back to the light of the here-and-now.

Liminal Gods

The Pagan Experience: February 16, Week 3: Deity and the Divine- This will be the third week’s topic every month and an opportunity for you to share with everyone those who guide, inspire and inform you.

The other day, Pan came up in conversation. This is usually rather entertaining, as most people think Pan and they just think S-E-X. Perhaps they add partying in for a rather Bacchanalian image of drunken fornication. And sure, Pan is into that. But he is far more than this as well.

My favorite aspect of Pan has always been his liminality. I hadn't thought of it until this conversation, but he is a liminal god. And how can a halfling be anything else? Half goat, half man. Half divine, according to some. Half beast, half human, belonging fully to nothing.

Pan is a poet and a philosopher, and a musician. He sits at the border of the wilderness and cultivated lands, guarding the flocks and the shepherds. Occasionally he bewitches them with his flute, but I suspect that more often than not, he broods. He thinks about the nature of reality, and his place in it. Perhaps he dreams about the nymphs, perhaps he yearns for true love and connection. He possesses a sort of magnificent melancholy that breaks out into a divine madness from time to time. I also suspect that all shepherds and cowboys share this spirit to some degree.

After all, when one is surrounded by herd animals, alone on a broad prairie or pasture, what is there to do but face the Void?

Then I realized that nearly all of my personal pantheon are liminal deities. Gods of the crossroads, the borderlands. Gods of transformation, of the beginning. But what does that mean? 

Liminal is defined as:

1. of or relating to a transitional or initial stage of a process.
2. occupying a position at, or on both sides of, a boundary or threshold.

The word comes from the Latin, "limen", meaning threshold. A liminal deity, then, is a Goddess or God who stands on the threshold.

Liminal deities share characteristics of helping humans understand and navigate their own liminal territories and to provide transcendence. Liminal deities also sometimes throw roadblocks in our way. They do this to further our growth, not for the sake of malice, though it is sometimes a rather tough love.

Once again, I was struck with a sense of rightness. What better sort of deity could there be for a witch, a walker between the worlds? And who better to look after a shaman, an explorer of spirit?

Suits me. The liminal spaces are where discoveries can be made. In the borderlands, the spaces between, anything is possible.

"Confuse the sacred and the secular in your environment. Create a liminal, neither here nor there, milieu. It is always in the liminal places that significant things happen, so work at creating liminality." 

-A Religion of One's Own, Thomas Moore pg 144

Look for the junction between mountain and valley, forest and meadow, creek and river, and there you will find them. Pan, Lord of the Hunt and keeper of shepherds. Cernunnos, Lord of the Wilderness and he who is sacrificed and reborn again and again. Hecate, the Torchbearer, Goddess of the Crossroads, holder of the keys to many realms. 

Look there, in the liminal spaces, and you will find me as well.

A Rocky Road to Illumination

Wk 3- Jan. 19- Deity and the Divine- This will be the third week’s topic every month and an opportunity for you to share with everyone those who guide, inspire and inform you.


My relationship with the Divine has been rocky. When I was young, I remember feeling so painfully alone that I was sure there was nothing out there. The concept of God taught to me as a child in a Catholic family made absolutely no sense to me. It made me angry, to be blunt. The whole "you're a sinner from birth" thing - not a hit with me. Nor was the whole "you're less than a man because you're a woman" thing. And He's watching me from the sky, judging and directing my every move? No thanks. Plus, the history of the church disturbed me - conversion by the sword, corruption, torture, burning witches, hoarding wealth, controlling people with fear…not for me, on so many levels.

I began to search for a different way, for different gods. The Greek pantheon was first, by way of grade school mythology. They were, at once, deeply familiar to me. I didn't like all of them, and at the time, I certainly had no conscious thought of a relationship with any of them. 

Soon after, I learned about Buddha. Here was someone I could relate to and respect. Here was a yogi - a meditation teacher! He wasn't really a god, according to him. But he knew a lot, wasn't into judging, and wanted to reduce suffering in the world. The philosophy of Buddhism did much to shape my thinking, but the religion and dogma of it left me cold, once again. 

Yoga has been a recurring theme and practice in my life. Now, most Yoga classes here in the US do not mention religion at all. Most yoga teachers are afraid to discuss the spiritual aspects of Yoga, especially in my region of the country. Occasionally, you will find a chant mentioning a god's name, like Ganesh or Brahma. This is generally not explained in detail. On my own, I learned about some of the many deities from Hinduism. I rather like Ganesh. He's a jolly sort! I'm also fond of Saraswati, Krishna (a flute player, go figure) and Kali. They aren't my peeps, nor is Hinduism for me. But I like it. Their ceremonies are lavish, beautiful, chaotic and peaceful - like life.

Eventually I found my way to Paganism. Reading about the Goddess as earth mother…it finally made sense. A deity OF this earth, who encourages stewardship of the Earth, who truly loves and provides for all…this I could deal with. And her consort, the Horned Lord…now I knew what face I sometimes saw in the woods. I recognized that primal urge to create and to live. The balance between Goddess and God felt right to me. I felt at home, and gained insight into many experiences of my life.

But still, I wasn't set afire by the Divine. I still felt alone. I still felt rebellious. No force on this Earth, no person, no god, no one, gets to tell me who to be or what to do! Authoritarian structures, no matter what flavor, just don't work for me. Lucky thing that as a pagan, I don't have to do anything. 

These days, I have a healthy relationship with the Divine as the universal force of attraction and creation, which manifests in the archetypal forms of gods and goddesses for us human beings to relate to, yet which is not confined by those forms. The Divine is mysterious and unknowable, and is also us. It is the life force and energy that constitutes all particles of matter in our Universe. The very Earth we walk upon is not just sacred because it is our home, but because it is alive with divine energy. 

Each step I take is a prayer. I relate to the gods of my personal pantheon with respect, but not a mindless obeisance. They have won me over at last with love, an easy affection, help and support. They inspire me and guide me without smothering me. They accept me with all of my contradictions. They are allies more than they are authorities.

A keystone of my mindset and outlook, though, is science. I don't believe anything 110%, nor do I follow anything or anyone with blind fervor. I am always open to learning, growing and evolving myself and my beliefs in the face of new evidence, new experiences and new insights. I like the archetypes and faith that I've chosen. It works for me, and makes me feel happy and fulfilled. But is it the absolute truth of reality? Yes and no. Is it the only truth in the world? No. Am I right and others are wrong? Absolutely not. 

Instead, I see the universe more like quantum physics is discovering it to be, which many ancient cultures knew long ago. This universe is a hologram. Physical, consensual reality is real, but it's also a show of smoke and mirrors. It is Maya, the world of illusion, as they say in India. I don't, however, see this as something to be looked down upon or transcended. We are put here to have experiences and to learn. To use the power of our will to co-create reality. Each one of us has immense power. Each one of us is divine. Each one of us is a unique and individual being, but also a drop in the ocean of universal energy. We are one!

Namaste - the divine light within me recognizes and honors the divine light within you. Blessed be!