UPDATE: Single Gender Gatherings

I just returned from a powerful week's class, and I have so many thoughts I want to get out!! So brace yourself, internets - I'm about to get all intense up in here for a while.

First off, in my previous post, Gender, Sexuality and Paganism, I addressed the question of single gender gatherings in the Pagan community. Should we have them? How does that impact our transgendered community members? 

During this class I attended, I got the chance to speak with a young person who does not identify with any gender and is biologically male. He expressed feelings of exclusion created by attending gatherings with perhaps only one variety of single gender gathering - the red tent for biologically female women. 

He says to him, that having single gender gatherings enforces gender roles that do not fit him. He feels that we ought to focus on a post-gender model of humanity. In my younger years, I would have agreed whole-heartedly. Back then, I didn't see myself as a feminist. I naively believed that feminism was a dead issue that creates division. Why don't we move past that and just try to be good human beings?

Maturity has shown me that as a culture, the USA is not there yet. We still have gender inequality. We still have segments of the population that are misogynistic. Feminism still has a role to play in healing our culture. We also now are seeing issues of violence and discrimination against our trans community. Perhaps we need some sort of movement to address that. I'm not the person to do it, but I did sense a real need for one. I want to see our gender fluid, transgendered, transsexual, asexual and other identifications of people be honored and given equality with everyone else.

My personal opinion is that we've made a lot of progress in the social justice arena. That's fabulous, and I wholeheartedly support current and future efforts to continue our work. But what that means for us right now is that we are in the process of re-defining our gender roles. 

As we Pagans know, what is present in the whole (nation) is also present in each part (Pagan community). What does it mean to be a man, woman, asexual, or transgendered person in this day and age? What does it mean for our society as a whole? What does it mean for our Pagan community? What should we do about it?

It seems to me that part of what's behind these questions is the impact of Paganism upon our work to re-define gender roles. In following the Pagan path, we are reaching back to ancient wisdom and ancestral ways of being, even if we do not have intact lineages to work with. And surely, men and women did have specific and different roles to play in life. A few cultures had customs surrounding people of other gender identifications/sexualities, but not many that I know about.

I don't think we ought to get too hidebound about ancestral gender roles. I certainly don't have a wish to go back to being barefoot and pregnant, for example! As I've been writing, we have the rare opportunity to learn from the past and to create something new and better. Why not consciously build in support for our community members who do not identify as male or female?

This will mean that we need leadership. Someone has to lead the charge. Someone has to create a space. But what will we call it? If we have men's circles and women's circles (Moon Lodges, Red Tents, etc)...what is the third category called? 

The young man I spoke with suggested a solution that he has seen at least once: having a Sun Tent (biologically male), Moon Tent (biologically female), and a Star Tent (everyone else).

I like it. It gives us a way to refer to the various groups without treading on any toes. 

What do you think? I'd really enjoy hearing some viewpoints on this issue. Any LGBT-savvy people with an insight? 

Gender, Sexuality and Paganism

One of my colleagues in the Pagan Blog Project posted a request for opinions about sexuality, gender and Paganism. As it happens, I'd just been speaking about that with some friends, so responding to this request was easy. And voila, another post for the letter 'G' has been born...

One of the things I love about the Pagan community is that we're a group of misfits, outcasts, weirdos, eccentrics...none of those words sound particularly flattering, but they probably feel familiar. As such, I have found it to be accepting and welcoming. My opinion is that overall, we are supportive of a wide range of orientations, lifestyles, gender identities and beliefs. Are there conservative, gay-bashing Pagans out there? I don't know of any. Maybe. Any group of human beings is bound to have some shady characters in it.

I propose that we lead the way into the future by means of radical acceptance. What if we, as a community, accepted everyone that isn't harming others? 

It would be and is awesome, that's what.

I was asked about my orientation and how that affects, combines or causes issues with my Pagan beliefs. Here's another awesome thing about Paganism: there is no dogma. Without an organization or central leadership, it's up to each one of us to make of this faith what we will. That means that a person's sexuality is irrelevant. There is no opinion regarding homosexuality, gender identity in Paganism. I don't have any issues with my somewhat gender fluid, pansexual self and my relationship with the Divine.

Marketing opportunity: We're the faith that truly means it when we say ALL ARE WELCOME, without prejudice, without judgement. 

We don't mean "you're welcome as long as you sit in the back, weirdo", "you're welcome only if you believe everything we say without question" or "you're welcome as long as you believe you're going to our version of hell if you're queer", like SOME faiths I could name. I'm looking at you, Baptist church in my neighborhood. You and I both know what's up.

Next up we get into gender. I was asked about the compatibility of some Pagan beliefs, like male-female polarity and sexual orientation. Male-female polarity is the prevailing pattern of Nature (though there are plenty of homosexual/asexual/hermaphroditic animals too), and whether or not a particular person is oriented that way personally has nothing to do with their ability to worship the Goddess and God. If someone chooses to follow a Dianic path or other single-gender form of belief, it’s fine with me. We are all connected with the Divine, however we choose to worship.

I personally believe in and celebrate the feminine and masculine aspects of Deity, and I worship them in balance with each other. To me, the faces of Deity we put on the formless and unknowable Divine are both real in their own right and also metaphors born of the human need to relate to something that resembles them. I simply don’t take it a step further and believe that the Gods have to share my personal sexual orientation. Again, if it's healing and helpful for someone else to do so, more power to them!

I was also asked for my opinion about biological sex and gender. Are they connected? I do feel that gender is related to biological sex. It’s part of the package – the hormones related to our reproductive organs affect the way that we function as beings. Having said that, I know that some people don’t feel that they got the “right” sexed body, or that their gender identity doesn’t fit into female or male. I can’t speak to their experience. All I know is that I’m somewhat gender fluid, I got a biologically female body and I’m happy with my identity as a female. I have some characteristics of both genders, and that’s perfectly ok with me – my expression of womanhood is true and valid for me.

So how does this gender connection or lack thereof affect one's ability to worship the Goddess and God? I think it’s possible to connect to the Goddess/female and God/male aspects of Deity no matter what body one has or what gender identity one has. Remember that gender and sexuality are a spectrum - every human being has elements of male and female, straight and gay within them, in their own unique blend. Both aspects of Deity have something to teach each and every one of us – that is my belief.

Meanwhile, I just attended a Moon Lodge at a recent festival. We spent a lot of time talking about single-gender gatherings, the ethics of having them, how that affects the trans community, inclusion, etc. As a nation, the USA is still creating a new paradigm for gender roles, gender identity, and equality for all. The pendulum of public opinion is still swinging, and what that means is that we have a sizable group of people in the country who still aren't tolerant. But we also have a sizable (and probably much larger, but don't quote me on that because I don't have the statistics) group of people who are ultra-tolerant, who have swung too far into the realm of "political correctness", in the parlance of our time.

Inclusion and tolerance doesn't mean that you try to cater to every single member of a community with every single event. That is an impossible task. You can never meet the needs of an entire community all at once. I think it's perfectly ok to have single gender gatherings, all gender gatherings, trans gatherings or whatever combination people desire. Everyone deserves to have a safe space, especially in their spiritual practice. As long as there are some gatherings where everyone comes together, and everyone is getting their needs met, there is no problem.

The discussion at our Moon Lodge centered around women's gatherings. The consensus of our group was that there are times when biological women need to gather, just as biological women. That's not a judgement against trans women. It's an acknowledgement of the fact that yes, the parts we were born with do make a difference. There is something undefinable that happens when biological women gather alone. It fills some primal need within us. We all felt that we'd be thrilled to have ceremony that includes trans women too. 

The ancients had some things right, you know. There is a magic and a mystery about each gender and each stage of life. I would love to see men's mysteries, women's mysteries, trans mysteries, rites of passage for youngsters/mothers/fathers/elders, LGBT mysteries, co-educational programs and single-gender educational programs - in other words, Pagan groups and programming that represent the whole spectrum of our community. It's not wrong to have a group or gathering for just one segment of the whole. We're all part of the same circle, but that doesn't mean one circle meets all of our needs!

I propose that the Pagan community strive for balance in meeting the needs of our diverse population. That we include everyone as a whole, but acknowledge that individual segments of the population have the right to have their needs met individually.

So then. That ended up being a big post about big topics! These are my opinions; I know that lots of information about all this is out there. What do you think?


*Image comes from a local LGBT Pagan group, the Raleigh Fruitcakes. They are awesome and you should check them out, North Carolinians!