Gender, Sexuality and Paganism

One of my colleagues in the Pagan Blog Project posted a request for opinions about sexuality, gender and Paganism. As it happens, I'd just been speaking about that with some friends, so responding to this request was easy. And voila, another post for the letter 'G' has been born...

One of the things I love about the Pagan community is that we're a group of misfits, outcasts, weirdos, eccentrics...none of those words sound particularly flattering, but they probably feel familiar. As such, I have found it to be accepting and welcoming. My opinion is that overall, we are supportive of a wide range of orientations, lifestyles, gender identities and beliefs. Are there conservative, gay-bashing Pagans out there? I don't know of any. Maybe. Any group of human beings is bound to have some shady characters in it.

I propose that we lead the way into the future by means of radical acceptance. What if we, as a community, accepted everyone that isn't harming others? 

It would be and is awesome, that's what.

I was asked about my orientation and how that affects, combines or causes issues with my Pagan beliefs. Here's another awesome thing about Paganism: there is no dogma. Without an organization or central leadership, it's up to each one of us to make of this faith what we will. That means that a person's sexuality is irrelevant. There is no opinion regarding homosexuality, gender identity in Paganism. I don't have any issues with my somewhat gender fluid, pansexual self and my relationship with the Divine.

Marketing opportunity: We're the faith that truly means it when we say ALL ARE WELCOME, without prejudice, without judgement. 

We don't mean "you're welcome as long as you sit in the back, weirdo", "you're welcome only if you believe everything we say without question" or "you're welcome as long as you believe you're going to our version of hell if you're queer", like SOME faiths I could name. I'm looking at you, Baptist church in my neighborhood. You and I both know what's up.

Next up we get into gender. I was asked about the compatibility of some Pagan beliefs, like male-female polarity and sexual orientation. Male-female polarity is the prevailing pattern of Nature (though there are plenty of homosexual/asexual/hermaphroditic animals too), and whether or not a particular person is oriented that way personally has nothing to do with their ability to worship the Goddess and God. If someone chooses to follow a Dianic path or other single-gender form of belief, it’s fine with me. We are all connected with the Divine, however we choose to worship.

I personally believe in and celebrate the feminine and masculine aspects of Deity, and I worship them in balance with each other. To me, the faces of Deity we put on the formless and unknowable Divine are both real in their own right and also metaphors born of the human need to relate to something that resembles them. I simply don’t take it a step further and believe that the Gods have to share my personal sexual orientation. Again, if it's healing and helpful for someone else to do so, more power to them!

I was also asked for my opinion about biological sex and gender. Are they connected? I do feel that gender is related to biological sex. It’s part of the package – the hormones related to our reproductive organs affect the way that we function as beings. Having said that, I know that some people don’t feel that they got the “right” sexed body, or that their gender identity doesn’t fit into female or male. I can’t speak to their experience. All I know is that I’m somewhat gender fluid, I got a biologically female body and I’m happy with my identity as a female. I have some characteristics of both genders, and that’s perfectly ok with me – my expression of womanhood is true and valid for me.

So how does this gender connection or lack thereof affect one's ability to worship the Goddess and God? I think it’s possible to connect to the Goddess/female and God/male aspects of Deity no matter what body one has or what gender identity one has. Remember that gender and sexuality are a spectrum - every human being has elements of male and female, straight and gay within them, in their own unique blend. Both aspects of Deity have something to teach each and every one of us – that is my belief.

Meanwhile, I just attended a Moon Lodge at a recent festival. We spent a lot of time talking about single-gender gatherings, the ethics of having them, how that affects the trans community, inclusion, etc. As a nation, the USA is still creating a new paradigm for gender roles, gender identity, and equality for all. The pendulum of public opinion is still swinging, and what that means is that we have a sizable group of people in the country who still aren't tolerant. But we also have a sizable (and probably much larger, but don't quote me on that because I don't have the statistics) group of people who are ultra-tolerant, who have swung too far into the realm of "political correctness", in the parlance of our time.

Inclusion and tolerance doesn't mean that you try to cater to every single member of a community with every single event. That is an impossible task. You can never meet the needs of an entire community all at once. I think it's perfectly ok to have single gender gatherings, all gender gatherings, trans gatherings or whatever combination people desire. Everyone deserves to have a safe space, especially in their spiritual practice. As long as there are some gatherings where everyone comes together, and everyone is getting their needs met, there is no problem.

The discussion at our Moon Lodge centered around women's gatherings. The consensus of our group was that there are times when biological women need to gather, just as biological women. That's not a judgement against trans women. It's an acknowledgement of the fact that yes, the parts we were born with do make a difference. There is something undefinable that happens when biological women gather alone. It fills some primal need within us. We all felt that we'd be thrilled to have ceremony that includes trans women too. 

The ancients had some things right, you know. There is a magic and a mystery about each gender and each stage of life. I would love to see men's mysteries, women's mysteries, trans mysteries, rites of passage for youngsters/mothers/fathers/elders, LGBT mysteries, co-educational programs and single-gender educational programs - in other words, Pagan groups and programming that represent the whole spectrum of our community. It's not wrong to have a group or gathering for just one segment of the whole. We're all part of the same circle, but that doesn't mean one circle meets all of our needs!

I propose that the Pagan community strive for balance in meeting the needs of our diverse population. That we include everyone as a whole, but acknowledge that individual segments of the population have the right to have their needs met individually.

So then. That ended up being a big post about big topics! These are my opinions; I know that lots of information about all this is out there. What do you think?


*Image comes from a local LGBT Pagan group, the Raleigh Fruitcakes. They are awesome and you should check them out, North Carolinians!