One of the biggest tragedies of our disconnected, constantly busy and rootless society is that we've lost connection to our anchors. Many of us no longer have an intact thread of heritage, spiritual tradition or eldership in our lives.
I believe this is having many negative impacts on all of us, especially the elders. We have a whole industry devoted to caring for senior citizens, which on the face of it, seems like a good thing. The reality is far different - disconnected from the broader community, deprived of purpose, with no responsibilities and nothing to do, our elders deteriorate much more quickly than they would otherwise. The rest of us are deprived of their calm presence, loving support and wisdom.
Meanwhile, with our generations disconnected, traditional roles are forgotten. There is a big difference between a person who is aware of the sacred role of an elder and someone who is merely old. Some of our elders are desperately clinging to youth as a way to hold on to value in this youth-obsessed culture. Others have no conception of how to give unconditional love and support. Younger people do not know how to honor and support elders. Traditional knowledge, customs and culture are shrinking every year. What I learned this week is that there are people who are working to regenerate a healthy elder culture.
Several elders spoke about honored elderhood as a role that is earned, and one that is reciprocal. One must be committed to serving the community, have some wisdom to share, and someone to share it with. Meanwhile, younger people need to include and honor these elders. We spoke much of coming to elders, addressing them by an honorific, offering gifts of service or goods and only THEN asking for something in return.
What would it look like if Pagan Pride Festivals, Pagan-themed retreats and conferences included circles of elders from all traditions? I think it would be fantastic. Imagine the storytelling, exchange of ideas/best practices, and support that would happen!
In the area of ancestors, my eyes were opened this week. I personally never thought about the effect that one's ancestral traumas has upon us in the living world. Perhaps our ancestors experienced racial injustice, or perhaps they perpetuated it. Perhaps they lived through a war, or the Great Depression. Perhaps there is a legacy of abuse in the family. It never occurred to me that we could do healing work around that. Turns out we can.
I was lucky enough to spend time with a priestess from an African tradition who is dedicated to the ancestral realm. She was very generous and shared a lot of information about how we can heal past trauma and build relationships with ancestors. We can begin with a table of light, to heal trauma. After we have worked through that process, we can construct an ancestor altar. Every day that we change the water, light candles, place fresh flowers or offerings of food upon the altar, we strengthen the cord of our connection to our ancestors. Once we have shown our commitment, we can open a conversation. Later, when a good relationship is built up, we can ask them questions through divinatory methods.
Working with ancestors can be a powerful part of our spiritual support system. This priestess I met said at one point, "who do you think responds to your request when you ask for angelic support? It's not always some random entity - IT'S YOUR ANCESTORS!" This thought had never occurred to me. The idea of working with angels has never appealed to me, surely in part because of the Christian concept of angels itself. But reaching out to my ancestors and asking them to join my spiritual team? That I can do!
As always, the Gods give me what I need when I need it. I have already begun the process of healing ancestral trauma this year. I have constructed a family tree and begun to reach out to extended family. I'm attempting to rebuild my family ties. I've gotten a quote for engraving my father's name on to our family headstone. I'm planning a trip to my birthplace. All this was already in process. Now I have the next piece of information, the next steps to take.
Connection. Continuity. A sense of rootedness. Healthy roles and community participation for all members of our community. Passing on sacred wisdom, customs and values. Mentorship and support. These are the things that healing our generations can give us. Who's with me?
*Here I'm referring to the broad umbrella of Contemporary Paganism.
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