Honor

Honor is an often misunderstood and sometimes misused concept with a mixed reputation. Historically, those who claimed to live honorably have used their power for both good and evil. The Arthurian legends tell of medieval knights whose entire lives were dedicated to honor. They used their martial prowress and personal virtues to protect others and uphold justice. Renaissance era knights inspired by Arthurian codes of conduct also perpetuated horrific crimes during the Crusades. Samurai are another tradition of fiercely honorable warriors devoted to their ideals. When their aristocratic masters were just, this was a beautiful and effective thing. If not, not so much. On the more brutal end of the spectrum, there are also so-called "honor killings" of innocent female children in places like Yemen.

This points out an essential conflict with perceptions of honor. There are actually two concepts involved: honor and face.

Face is what many people mistake for honor. Face is about social standing and how one is ranked in the pecking order of the community. It is about what other people think of one's actions and reactions. The Yemeni father who killed his 15 year old daughter was far more concerned with face than he was with honor. He was worried about his daughter's reputation, and how that reflected on him. In this tribe's twisted way of thinking, he would "lose honor" if his daughter was even accused of being involved in anything improper before marriage. As if her alleged action could grant or revoke any of his honor.

Honor is about who you are and how you live your life. Honor cannot be taken from or granted to you. You must earn it. Every day, with every choice you make. What others think of your choices is not all that important, in the grand scheme of things. But what you yourself think of your choices is very important. Being authentic is powerful - each choice must resonate with rightness to your soul, to your innermost being.

To determine honorable action in any given situation, you must:

1. Weigh the situation for justice.
2. Determine your obligation.
3. Formulate appropriate action.

To put it another way, honor is also about living up to a code of ethics, or living in alignment with personal values.

I think that especially as Pagans, whether we walk the warrior way or not, it's important to have a good sense for what your underlying values are and to live with honor. We are, after all, working magic, which is a big responsibility. Some of us, like myself, follow the Rede: 'and it harm none, do as you will'. That's pretty wide open. Not harming another doesn't always cover every situation. And what about those who don't live by the Rede? What code or ideal do you believe in?

My point goes back to the theme of cultural creation that I have been discussing lately on this blog. We're a relatively new (old) faith. We have the opportunity and duty to make it something wondrous and life-ehancing. But really, we can do anything. There is no central authority or ancient text. We are responsible for our actions. We and we alone.

Taking inventory of our beliefs and values is the first step. What do you believe? Where did that belief come from, and does it still serve you? Is it in the highest good of all? 

Step two is to examine those beliefs and then make any needed adjustments. Perhaps your old beliefs were part of a lower level of understanding, or were reactions to trauma that you experienced. Perhaps they are remnants of the faith in which you were raised, or simply common to your community. Inherited beliefs can be a beautiful thing, anchoring us with deep roots. But even these must be examined in the light of day with open eyes.

When tweaking values or beliefs, it's always a good idea to see if your beliefs support positive interaction in your family and community. Maybe you value acceptance - that's a belief that protects and nourishes you as well as others. Equality, tolerance, respect for all living things...all of these types of values are life-ehancing and supportive.

It's also a good idea to revisit values regularly. We all have obligations in life, appropriate to our age and abilities. No ageism intended here, merely pointing out that our role in life changes with age. As our roles change, the values that support our ability to meet our obligations will therefore need to continue to evolve and grow as well. 

After you've inventoried, examined and perhaps adjusted, it's time to act. Keep your code of honor handy, and refer to it when situations come up. Remember the guidelines of honor: justice, obligation and appropriate action. Breathe and just act! 

Protip: Honor is action, not dillydally, delay and inaction. Refusing to make a choice is, in itself, a choice.

Honor has been my path for many years. I have walked the warrior way for most of my life. I can remember being in kindergarten and already, protecting others was just part of the day's work for me. Official bee stomper, bully confronter and authority defier....that's me, always looking out for an underdog, or for a friend. I don't recall it ever seeming strange; it was just something I did. 

Later when I began to train in martial arts, I learned the values of courtesy, integrity, perseverance, self-control and indomitable spirit. In studying Yoga, I learned the Yamas and Niyamas, with such values as contentment (santosha) and non-violence (ahimsa). Throughout my life I studied philosophy, history and world religion, with all of its codes of conduct, philosophies, rules, manifestos, guidelines and laws. 

Years and years of service to the community through mentorship, teaching, training, studying and volunteer work have taught me something very simple about honor. I'm not capable of living any other way. When I look in the mirror, I have to be able to meet my own eye. To like the person I see there. To know that I've done the best I could. To know that I have walked with honor.