Introspections About War

Last night I watched Lone Survivor, a film documenting the true story of a Navy Seal team in Afghanistan. This film has been critically acclaimed as a tale of heroism, of patriotism, of glory. And it makes me mad as Hades. Not because it's a bad film. No, I thought it was well and respectfully done.

It makes me angry because in 2015, after thousands of years of warfare, we still haven't learned. War is a needless waste of human life. War is not an effective way to solve our differences. War doesn't change minds, not in a large sense. Sure, individual soldiers are often changed by the experience - sometimes in a positive way, most times in a damaging way. But the cultures that clash don't come out with a greater respect for each other. No, hostility simply becomes more deeply entrenched.

It makes me sick to see the lives of the youth of this country wasted. Many young people from poor or simply rural backgrounds are targeted by military recruiters. They have few options in their lives. Many live in small towns whose main industry was shipped overseas. A tour in the military offers them a stable and decent career, or a ticket to college. They're sold this idea that they are making the world a better place, that they will become heroes, that what they are doing is noble.

Our service members are being sold a lie. Sure, there are times when we are forced to fight, like the World Wars. Goddess grant that those times never come again. But in these modern times, most of our conflicts are purely about politics. It is an ugly thing. What's worse, some of these wars are really about controlling resources.

I ask you - who benefits from all this? Is America "more free" because of the war in Afghanistan? No. The extremist factions who we allegedly were targeting have not gone away. Their resolve to destroy us has only strengthened. Mostly, we damaged the citizenry. Let us not forget that part of the problem in that particular country was of our own creation. The US trained and equipped Afghan soldiers to serve our purposes against the Soviets.

So. We go to war to serve the interests of politicians, many of whom are also involved with big oil and of course, military contractors. We lie and tell our youth they're saving the world, our youth who have no jobs available to them because American business owners shipped our industries overseas. We waste our precious resources on war, when we could be solving the many problems in our own country.

With every war, we go deeper into debt. We lose more and more of our credibility as a nation. Our actions as a nation say "We are bigger and richer than you. We will do whatever we like to you. We will destroy your cities, your homes, your people. We will even attempt to impose our culture and system of government on you. You cannot stop us."

With these pointless wars, we continue the notion that might makes right. That force is appropriate. That human life does not matter, especially those lives that are different from ours. That making money for oil companies and military contractors is more important than anything else.

I say no. There must be an end to the violence. There must be an end to the lies.

I spent many years walking the path of the warrior. I trained in every martial art to which I could gain access. I studied martial philosophy. I am proficient with a bewildering number of weapons. I even considered joining the military. It's hard for me to believe now that the only reason I did NOT join the military is that at that time, they did not allow women on the front line. Yes, I wanted to fight. I wanted to use my skills, to test my resolve, to exercise my sense of honor.

What I did not realize at the time was that my personal anger was behind all of this. I have written before about the tragedies and injustice that I suffered in my early life. I was angry. I was divorced from my emotions. For a time, I was even divorced from my sense of womanhood.

I also havehad a savior complex. It was as if saving others from suffering would someone expiate my own suffering, my own pain. This is actually not a terrible thing. The dark side of the savior complex for me was the unacknowledged wish to cause suffering to others to reduce my own suffering. It was never so bad that I wished harm to the innocent. No, I wanted to harm evildoers. I had no way to strike back at my own abusers, so the injustices of the world were my target.

Thankfully, Goddess knew better than I did. She knew that my sensitive, empathic soul would be scarred and besmirched by the horrors of war. She knew that I was not beyond help, not beyond healing.

I now know that the path of war leads only to death. It has no meaning. There is no nobility in this, no glory. It is pointless and wasteful. Surely, if my home and family were truly threatened, and there was no other option, I would fight. But nowadays, I would try everything else in my power to avoid it. And I would only have done what was necessary, not something good.

I am no longer a physical warrior. Now, my work is raising consciousness with words, with spirit, with love. I will not trouble you with another call for activism. No stirring rhetoric here about the return of Goddess, the reintegration of the feminine to heal the scars of patriarchy.

No. I'm simply a woman who is sad, a woman who is still angry, a woman who is tired of being angry.

I cry for all of the people who are infected with toxic ideas. They think that they have a monopoly on truth, that everyone else is wrong and it is their holy duty to correct others. They think their Gods want them to strike down the unbeliever.

I think that the Divine is unknowable. I think that the Divine is an energy that encompasses and permeates the entire Earth. And I think that force is love and creation. That force has nothing to do with war, with ideology, with domination or control.

If I'm wrong, and the Gods do exist as separate entities, and they really want us to suffer and harm others, then this is not a world I want to live in.

Honor

Honor is an often misunderstood and sometimes misused concept with a mixed reputation. Historically, those who claimed to live honorably have used their power for both good and evil. The Arthurian legends tell of medieval knights whose entire lives were dedicated to honor. They used their martial prowress and personal virtues to protect others and uphold justice. Renaissance era knights inspired by Arthurian codes of conduct also perpetuated horrific crimes during the Crusades. Samurai are another tradition of fiercely honorable warriors devoted to their ideals. When their aristocratic masters were just, this was a beautiful and effective thing. If not, not so much. On the more brutal end of the spectrum, there are also so-called "honor killings" of innocent female children in places like Yemen.

This points out an essential conflict with perceptions of honor. There are actually two concepts involved: honor and face.

Face is what many people mistake for honor. Face is about social standing and how one is ranked in the pecking order of the community. It is about what other people think of one's actions and reactions. The Yemeni father who killed his 15 year old daughter was far more concerned with face than he was with honor. He was worried about his daughter's reputation, and how that reflected on him. In this tribe's twisted way of thinking, he would "lose honor" if his daughter was even accused of being involved in anything improper before marriage. As if her alleged action could grant or revoke any of his honor.

Honor is about who you are and how you live your life. Honor cannot be taken from or granted to you. You must earn it. Every day, with every choice you make. What others think of your choices is not all that important, in the grand scheme of things. But what you yourself think of your choices is very important. Being authentic is powerful - each choice must resonate with rightness to your soul, to your innermost being.

To determine honorable action in any given situation, you must:

1. Weigh the situation for justice.
2. Determine your obligation.
3. Formulate appropriate action.

To put it another way, honor is also about living up to a code of ethics, or living in alignment with personal values.

I think that especially as Pagans, whether we walk the warrior way or not, it's important to have a good sense for what your underlying values are and to live with honor. We are, after all, working magic, which is a big responsibility. Some of us, like myself, follow the Rede: 'and it harm none, do as you will'. That's pretty wide open. Not harming another doesn't always cover every situation. And what about those who don't live by the Rede? What code or ideal do you believe in?

My point goes back to the theme of cultural creation that I have been discussing lately on this blog. We're a relatively new (old) faith. We have the opportunity and duty to make it something wondrous and life-ehancing. But really, we can do anything. There is no central authority or ancient text. We are responsible for our actions. We and we alone.

Taking inventory of our beliefs and values is the first step. What do you believe? Where did that belief come from, and does it still serve you? Is it in the highest good of all? 

Step two is to examine those beliefs and then make any needed adjustments. Perhaps your old beliefs were part of a lower level of understanding, or were reactions to trauma that you experienced. Perhaps they are remnants of the faith in which you were raised, or simply common to your community. Inherited beliefs can be a beautiful thing, anchoring us with deep roots. But even these must be examined in the light of day with open eyes.

When tweaking values or beliefs, it's always a good idea to see if your beliefs support positive interaction in your family and community. Maybe you value acceptance - that's a belief that protects and nourishes you as well as others. Equality, tolerance, respect for all living things...all of these types of values are life-ehancing and supportive.

It's also a good idea to revisit values regularly. We all have obligations in life, appropriate to our age and abilities. No ageism intended here, merely pointing out that our role in life changes with age. As our roles change, the values that support our ability to meet our obligations will therefore need to continue to evolve and grow as well. 

After you've inventoried, examined and perhaps adjusted, it's time to act. Keep your code of honor handy, and refer to it when situations come up. Remember the guidelines of honor: justice, obligation and appropriate action. Breathe and just act! 

Protip: Honor is action, not dillydally, delay and inaction. Refusing to make a choice is, in itself, a choice.

Honor has been my path for many years. I have walked the warrior way for most of my life. I can remember being in kindergarten and already, protecting others was just part of the day's work for me. Official bee stomper, bully confronter and authority defier....that's me, always looking out for an underdog, or for a friend. I don't recall it ever seeming strange; it was just something I did. 

Later when I began to train in martial arts, I learned the values of courtesy, integrity, perseverance, self-control and indomitable spirit. In studying Yoga, I learned the Yamas and Niyamas, with such values as contentment (santosha) and non-violence (ahimsa). Throughout my life I studied philosophy, history and world religion, with all of its codes of conduct, philosophies, rules, manifestos, guidelines and laws. 

Years and years of service to the community through mentorship, teaching, training, studying and volunteer work have taught me something very simple about honor. I'm not capable of living any other way. When I look in the mirror, I have to be able to meet my own eye. To like the person I see there. To know that I've done the best I could. To know that I have walked with honor.

Financial Security: A Spiritual Journey

Historically, I have not had a great relationship with money. In younger years, I would say things like “I hate money” or “money is the root of all evil”. At that time, I would do the minimum necessary to keep the logistics of my financial life going, always with a certain grimace of distaste. As an artist and a healer, I’ve always wished that I could not have to deal with money, and get paid in things like chickens, vegetables or crafts. Or hugs! Somehow, money seemed dirty and not suited to the purity of my pursuits.

These days, I have realized that money is just energy in a neutral form. It’s neither positive or negative in its own right.

I also had to face the fact that my career, while altruistic, is just as worthy of earning me a decent living as anyone else’s. More than that, people benefit from and value things more when they pay for the service provided to them! Most importantly, I have valuable skills and deserve to be compensated for them.

So earning money is a good thing[i]. Having my financial affairs in order is a good thing. I’ve been working on it for some time now, but now is the time to build a cushion of savings[ii]. Earlier this year, I saw an image on facebook of the 52 Week Savings Challenge. Either I didn’t feel like I had enough money to save at the time, or I just lost it in the shuffle.

Then I came across a blog post on witchesandpagans.com – Pagan Savings Challenge. [insert tire squealing sound]

Now this is interesting. This author took the 52 Week Savings Challenge and added in a spiritual component: save money as a way to raise energy to work your spell or as an offering.

Sound familiar? The Winter Pagan Fitness Challenge sucked me in the same way.

Really, both of these challenges are about the same thing: understanding that every act, no matter how seemingly mundane, is magical and part of your spiritual practice. There is no separation between the spiritual and the everyday.

In fact, the everyday, mundane details of living are perhaps even more important than our perceived spiritual or religious acts. For what does it matter if we have fancy altars if we don’t have food? How is it helpful to throw an elaborate ritual if you haven’t paid the bills? Everything has to be in balance for an organism to function properly.

I have studied Buddhism for a long time, but only now am I starting to understand this concept. The mundane details of life represent thousands of choices a day. What will the sum of your choices look like? Will it reflect an attitude of love and beauty? Or will it look slapdash, scattered and cluttered? More and more, I make choices that reflect love, order and beauty.

But I digress - back to saving money. The 52 Week Savings Challenge plan is that you save an increasing amount each week. If you follow that plan, you’ll end up with $1378 at the end of the year.

Since I’m self-employed, my income fluctuates. My plan is to save whatever amount I can each week. So if one week I can’t save at all, it will be balanced out by another week when I saved more than the plan. Also, I’d like to contribute more to the plan than it calls for overall so that I can reach a goal of $2000. I am putting the money in my general savings account, but to be sure that I don’t touch this particular money, I am also keeping an Excel spreadsheet of my contributions and the running total.

I also came into the challenge on Week 7, so I contributed $30 – enough to cover the previous weeks ($28) rounded up to an even number.  As of Sunday, I am current with 9 weeks of contributions.

The Pagan Savings Challenge suggests setting an intention for this money. What will it be used for, or will it be used at all? My intention is to have a safety cushion, so this money will not be used. This is an experiment for me. Can I, as an entrepreneur still in the startup phase of her business, save this much money without using it? What will this do to my cash flow during the year? Is this workable? Do I need a separate fund for emergencies? Where will this exercise take me?

In an ideal world, I would have all my bills paid on time, a cushion of savings for use in only dire emergencies, a savings fund for large unplanned expenses[iii], money allocated for large planned expenses and a comfortable margin of excess funds in my checking account. I would also have some type of IRA or investments for my elderhood[iv].

Looks like I answered my own questions. The 52 Week/Pagan Savings Challenge 2014 will be my Step 1 to the above picture of financial stability[v].

Goddess and God, aid me in this financial endeavor. Help me to build self-discipline to lay the foundation for a secure and stable future. Bless me with a thriving business and financial abundance. I am grateful for all of the abundance and blessings that you have already granted and for those already on their way to me. So mote it be!

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[i] In moderation. I do believe that the desire for money in excess of what you actually need is a serious illness that is creating a huge problem in the world today.

[ii] Again, as it happens, but that’s another story.

[iii] Vehicle breakdowns, emergency room visit, etc.

[iv] I have no plans to retire and do nothing at some arbitrary age – that way lies early decrepitude! But most likely, I will slow down somewhat…or so I’m told. At some point, I’d also like to save money to pay for my funerary expenses. I know it’s a long way away, but I want my affairs in order warrior style. I could go tomorrow, and I want to be ready for that. Stay tuned for another post about estate planning, yet another project on my list.

[v] It all goes well. Plan may have to be adjusted as I go.

Cleaning: Secret Spiritual Weapon

I’ve always had resistance to cleaning, for a variety of reasons. Traditional gender roles irk me, for one. Personal stuff, for another. Also, I like to begin projects, not clean up after them. I’m a creator, not a maintainer!

But lately, I have realized something. The Universe has been sending me messages in a variety of ways. A myriad of different contexts and situations have been presented to me, and with a tiny, unheard CLICK, it finally came into focus for me.

Cleaning is how you finish things, physically, emotionally and mentally. It’s the last step in the processing of an experience.

A clean and organized life sets the stage for happiness and peace.

From a warrior’s perspective, having your life in order means that you’re ready to die at any time.

Being ready to die doesn’t mean that you’re fatalistic. It means that you’re at peace with your past.  It means that you’re living in the present. It means that you’re fulfilling obligations and living your dreams. It means that you’ve lived every day to the best of your ability. Whether or not you are a physical warrior or a spiritual one, the same principles hold true.

And doesn’t that sound a lot like the goals of the Yogic path, or the Buddhist path, or any number of spiritual traditions?

But back to cleaning. I’m using the term ‘cleaning’ broadly: it’s not just sweeping, dusting and vacuuming your home. But also organizing. Decluttering. Dealing with emotional issues. Doing file maintenance on your computer. Getting tax or business records in order. Paring down your email inbox. Cleaning out voicemails. Doing estate planning. Spiffing up your vehicle. And once you’ve got it clean, why not make it beautiful?

All the extra energy that we expend when we can’t find something, don’t have the needed supplies or have to work around piles of junk…we now have available to me to move FORWARD. To meditate, to create, to dance, to worship, to explore, to…do everything you have been putting off because the miasma of things undone and things festering and things procrastinated about were keeping you paralyzed!

Perhaps even more important than that, getting your affairs in order is a profound act of self-love. Every time you file a record, fill a vase with flowers, or bring out the good tablecloth just because it makes you smile…you are showing yourself and the world that you are worthy. You deserve to be happy, peaceful and prosperous.

How did it take me so long to see this? Now I understand why my sensei was so meticulous. Why there were always a few extra touches at the dojang.

It could be that my sensei’s inner world was orderly, so his outer world reflected that. It could be that he knew that by keeping the outer world orderly, it gave him the space and support to deal with his inner world. Or maybe he knew that the seemingly prosaic act of cleaning is a highly spiritual one. Scratch that. Probably all of the above, knowing my sensei.

I have been cleaning, decluttering and organizing like mad for the last few weeks. Getting the energy flowing again. Throwing off the funk of winter. You know what? It feels AMAZING!