A Rocky Road to Illumination

Wk 3- Jan. 19- Deity and the Divine- This will be the third week’s topic every month and an opportunity for you to share with everyone those who guide, inspire and inform you.


My relationship with the Divine has been rocky. When I was young, I remember feeling so painfully alone that I was sure there was nothing out there. The concept of God taught to me as a child in a Catholic family made absolutely no sense to me. It made me angry, to be blunt. The whole "you're a sinner from birth" thing - not a hit with me. Nor was the whole "you're less than a man because you're a woman" thing. And He's watching me from the sky, judging and directing my every move? No thanks. Plus, the history of the church disturbed me - conversion by the sword, corruption, torture, burning witches, hoarding wealth, controlling people with fear…not for me, on so many levels.

I began to search for a different way, for different gods. The Greek pantheon was first, by way of grade school mythology. They were, at once, deeply familiar to me. I didn't like all of them, and at the time, I certainly had no conscious thought of a relationship with any of them. 

Soon after, I learned about Buddha. Here was someone I could relate to and respect. Here was a yogi - a meditation teacher! He wasn't really a god, according to him. But he knew a lot, wasn't into judging, and wanted to reduce suffering in the world. The philosophy of Buddhism did much to shape my thinking, but the religion and dogma of it left me cold, once again. 

Yoga has been a recurring theme and practice in my life. Now, most Yoga classes here in the US do not mention religion at all. Most yoga teachers are afraid to discuss the spiritual aspects of Yoga, especially in my region of the country. Occasionally, you will find a chant mentioning a god's name, like Ganesh or Brahma. This is generally not explained in detail. On my own, I learned about some of the many deities from Hinduism. I rather like Ganesh. He's a jolly sort! I'm also fond of Saraswati, Krishna (a flute player, go figure) and Kali. They aren't my peeps, nor is Hinduism for me. But I like it. Their ceremonies are lavish, beautiful, chaotic and peaceful - like life.

Eventually I found my way to Paganism. Reading about the Goddess as earth mother…it finally made sense. A deity OF this earth, who encourages stewardship of the Earth, who truly loves and provides for all…this I could deal with. And her consort, the Horned Lord…now I knew what face I sometimes saw in the woods. I recognized that primal urge to create and to live. The balance between Goddess and God felt right to me. I felt at home, and gained insight into many experiences of my life.

But still, I wasn't set afire by the Divine. I still felt alone. I still felt rebellious. No force on this Earth, no person, no god, no one, gets to tell me who to be or what to do! Authoritarian structures, no matter what flavor, just don't work for me. Lucky thing that as a pagan, I don't have to do anything. 

These days, I have a healthy relationship with the Divine as the universal force of attraction and creation, which manifests in the archetypal forms of gods and goddesses for us human beings to relate to, yet which is not confined by those forms. The Divine is mysterious and unknowable, and is also us. It is the life force and energy that constitutes all particles of matter in our Universe. The very Earth we walk upon is not just sacred because it is our home, but because it is alive with divine energy. 

Each step I take is a prayer. I relate to the gods of my personal pantheon with respect, but not a mindless obeisance. They have won me over at last with love, an easy affection, help and support. They inspire me and guide me without smothering me. They accept me with all of my contradictions. They are allies more than they are authorities.

A keystone of my mindset and outlook, though, is science. I don't believe anything 110%, nor do I follow anything or anyone with blind fervor. I am always open to learning, growing and evolving myself and my beliefs in the face of new evidence, new experiences and new insights. I like the archetypes and faith that I've chosen. It works for me, and makes me feel happy and fulfilled. But is it the absolute truth of reality? Yes and no. Is it the only truth in the world? No. Am I right and others are wrong? Absolutely not. 

Instead, I see the universe more like quantum physics is discovering it to be, which many ancient cultures knew long ago. This universe is a hologram. Physical, consensual reality is real, but it's also a show of smoke and mirrors. It is Maya, the world of illusion, as they say in India. I don't, however, see this as something to be looked down upon or transcended. We are put here to have experiences and to learn. To use the power of our will to co-create reality. Each one of us has immense power. Each one of us is divine. Each one of us is a unique and individual being, but also a drop in the ocean of universal energy. We are one!

Namaste - the divine light within me recognizes and honors the divine light within you. Blessed be!